Lent Log #7 : Hunger and Swerving, Failing Hope, and Unswerving Hope

I was fasting for a little while during lent. It didn't last longer than two and a half weeks (i was fasting from all flour made products eg. no bread!)and it ended in a moment of forgetfulness.I was kind of devastated , I mean I had been so hungry for bread for weeks, but felt like behind that hunger there was another more meaningful ache and i had partaken of the goldfish cracker offered to me by a two year old. I have a hard time remembering what it is I want in the long run in the moment. i hope that makes sense.


I went to the Obama rally in front of the capital building. I had really wanted to hear what Mr. Obama had to say. I wanted to be able to look in his eye (I was nowhere near close enough) to see if he was the kind of person I would want to trust to lead my country. I think there were a lot of people with the same idea in that place. But a lot of them had already put there hope in him, ALL there hope. I think for a lot of people they were there to see their savior,the man who could bring restoration and change, their only hope. I don't want Mr. Obama to be my hope. I might want him to be my president.

When I can't sleep at night, which is more-often-than not my new nightly routine, I read the missed connections section of Craig's List. I am fascinated by all the men and women who meet someone they are convinced they can't live without but didn't catch their names, or phone numbers.I wonder if these folks find each other. I wonder if these chance meetings bloom into love. I seriously doubt it, but then again, I still read them.

Max is a few days shy of being 6 months old. I met him when he was very new to the world. I love him and I am pretty sure he loves me inasmuch as a 6 month old can love, BUT max won't let me put him down. I have to wear him in a sling to avoid more crying than I can handle. And while it may sound very sweet to have a baby want you to hold him, I can't help thinking about what he's thinking. I don't want him to be scared to be out of my arms (or mom's or dad's) that he doesn't get to explore, crawl, stand, and walk on his own. I want him to feel safe and well cared for because HE IS!!

Kylie really wants a baby but she can't have any. Kylie is a golden retriever who lives with e family I work for. Because Kylie so desperately wants a baby,she stole one. She has taken a baby jack rabbit so small it fits in the palm of my hand from the woods surrounding the house and has it living in the mudroom with her. We check on them both and so far Kylie seems like a good mommy. She makes sure the bunny eats, she sleeps with it and lets it get in a good run (and carries it home gingerly in her mouth). I don't know how long this will last.

I have a new friend who drinks, a lot. I don't even really think she likes to but needs to to feel something else. Like she wants to be angry so so drinks to be more angry. Or she wants to feel desirable so she drinks to become sexy. I don't know what to tell her or what to do. She knows about me and Jesus but she's not interested.

There are many things that seem too big for me right now. Lots of little things like the ten glasses of half full of water on my bedside table. The four boxes of things i never really sorted when i moved here and the half knitted scarfs and blankets are haunting the corners of my room. I need to hire someone to help me tackle dust bunnies ,cob webs, to pull all the weeds out of the bed I keep swearing I'll revive. But truthfully, i should be able to do these by myself.... that's what it means to be a grown up girl, I think.

After quite a lot of thought and prayer we have a name we are going to submit for approval to International Church of the Foursquare Gospel. We would like to be called The Restoration Community, we would like to become that as well. I think that we all feel our own shortcoming, frailty and brokenness profoundly. We are people being restore together with one another, we desire restoration and new life in our small circle, in austin, and in the world.

Grace is coming to spend easter in Austin. I am very excited! And I am rushing to prepare my house and my heart for Easter!