I have been, for months now, been living in something like a spiritual sound proof space, in a far off place. I don't "hear" God's voice, I don't feel God's presence. I don't feel as if my prayers or songs of worship do little more than dissipate in to the vast blue Texan sky. I have tried all the tricks and tips folks have given me about how to "get back on track" and I have failed.
Or I guess I have failed because nothing much has changed despite my efforts.
Someone finally volunteered to go through this with me, because she has been through it. And she is calling me regularly. And giving me "homework" so i can put my thoughts in order. And she is praying for me.
She isn't asking me to list all my sin, in case that's why I am going through this time. She isn't telling me that this will pass in X amount of time. And she isn't short of admitting that sometimes we have no idea why God does or doesn't do things.
I'm really thankful for her.
And I' really thankful for other people who love me and are trying to understand how I feel.
I know what it is like to be in a soundproof room as you describe.
ReplyDeleteAs I understand it, these times are the prep work for new growth.
I'm praying for you and glad to know you.
It goes to prove, once again, that as much as people may want to believe that God is predictable, He is not. He cannot be put into a formula and he can't be figured out. Knowing him is definitely a journey, not a destination. I'm praying for you and thinking about you often. Don't look too far ahead, just the next step. I love you and can't wait to see your face :)
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