Faithfulness and Krispy Kreme

i have a headache. life has been swirling around me like gusty gulf winds. and somehow updating this blog has escaped me. and really what consumes my mind lately is faithfulness and krispy kreme doughnuts.

i believe that both of these things give life.
or at least change life. i hope.

for the last few weeks, i've been trying to figure out what i'm doing down here in missippy!
for the most part i've been working in the presbytery disaster recovery office scheduling volunteers groups and trying to give it some more effective organization. the previous staff had left the disaster recovery office an office in need of some serious recovery. and as much as i LOVE buying sharpies, post-its and colored hanging files....i've also been wanting to run as fast and as far away as possible from office work! the one thing that i've learned about myself is that i am my post productive when my work is linked to relationships...and as much as i try to fit into the kind of person that can sit behind a desk for 8 hours, i can't seem to make friends with the fax machine and computer. they just don't like me , and to be honest i have had times that i've had some choice words for them!

the truth is i didn't really expect to be doing that kind of work all day, everyday. and it seems as if a lot of things i'd planned on, mainly my job description, have taken another direction. and they continue to take "another direction"!

it is so easy for me to have faith, and thus be faithful, when i feel as if things are all "as they should be". i love everything when life is going "according to plan". sadly for me, you don't need a lot of faith in those situations.

faith is agonizing! it requires that i hope in something, someone beyond myself.
the sermon i heard this morning was about Jesus being too familiar to the people in the town he grew up in (see mark 6:1-6 ). Because Jesus was so intergrated into his neighbors lives, mundane as they were-mine is, they were unable to embrace his deity. they struggled with the thought of a wonderfully mysterious God in their midst, and so he was unable to do any miracles among them.

this story makes me sad, not because it happened...but because it happens. it happens daily and it happens to me. i take for granted the nearness of God and don't leave room for the miraculous.

i am thinking it is time to surrender this battle . i want to choose not to fight. because if i cannot understand God, but am able to see him "work amongst" us....well then, i guess that's one fight worth losing.

faithfulness is rotten work and very unglamorous (and you know i love glamour!) . faithfulness to God and the silly place he tricked me into moving to and the new neighbors i been charged with loving make me rise out of bed in the morning and do what i am supposed to do. and luckily some days i do it full of joy. and thankfully some days it blesses someone. and some days , when i can look beyond myself i can see where God was just.
i have seen where he was just working and then i know i am in the right place.

and knowing you are in the right place. a "right" place in my heart and a "right" place in my mind...nearer to God.
well, for me that's life giving.

and while you may not think so, i'm finding that krispy kreme doughnuts are also life giving.

i have started to "work" on founding a "hispanic ministry" for the presbytery. i know that's a lot of "quote marks" but really, as with all "trail blazers" i have no idea what i'm really doing! so i've started with two things i think i know well. the first being that people love a hot sticky krispy kreme doughnut in the mornings! the second is that i love talking to people who love to eat those doughnuts.

so ,i've started taking doughnuts and starting this week...COFFEE ( which my roommate, kerry, has most accurately described as "liquid Jesus") to the men who wait on a grassy patch of land next to the home depot waiting for day labor jobs. 95% of them are hispanic and have moved here since the storm (we keep track of time here according to hurricanes, eg. post-camille or pre-katrina) to rebuild homes. there are a lot of issues brewing under the surface here, questions of racism, politics and the persistant question of poverty but alas these issues are another blog.

i feel like some kind of weird drug dealer , hustling my free krispy kreme and trying to build relationships with men i have trouble relating to...but so far so good. they've gladly accepted my sugary bribes and told me a few personal things. i hope that as they recognize me , and get to know me, that they might bless me by letting me know them a little better.

my prayer in this is that krispy kreme might be a a tool in getting to know my new neighbors. and as you know getting to know your neighbor is the first step in understanding your neighbor, which eventually leads to loving your neighbor. and loving your neighbor is also loving God.

i want to love God better.

i guess that's all i really needed to say: i want to love God better. the reality is most days, He loves me beyond what i thought i needed and i mostly do a kind of half-assed job.

i believe that in trying to figure out how to love God better you find life.

and i'm on board with that!